It’s dusk. Outside two of my children are playing basketball. The air is chill and my fingers are cold. The street is quiet, it’s winding down time. Families at home together winding down, eating, the end of the day. My baby is sleeping beside me but I know if I try to move into the kitchen and start cooking he will wake up. How many years have I spent like this I wonder? Immobilised by the power of a sleeping child!
The last few months have been a soporific, milky blur. We have been unschooling through necessity, there just hasn’t been time for structured activities but this week we made a tentative start towards incorporating more planned learning. Really the kids have done just fine in the last six months even without strewing, life is a teacher and children are curious, they want to learn, they want to know their world. That being said I love the Waldorf curriculums we have and I’m looking forward to suggesting some projects. Lili is now seven so it’s time to get more serious about learning to read.
At times recently I’ve felt overwhelmed by what is happening in the world, by what is happening in my country. Raising the kids amongst so much doom and gloom has felt like a burden. Somehow I made choices that situate me between a potential war of civilisations, if I fall for that rhetoric. I won’t fall for it though and I won’t succumb to fear. I turn from negative thoughts and focus on the beauty. Small things like a shelf of loved objects or laughing with the kids.
Zeph is preparing for high school next year and I will keep homeschooling the younger kids. We will be spending a lot of time travelling but I think it will be worth it, the school curriculum is great, it’s kind of Sudbury style but a bit less alternative.
So while we plan ahead and whilst the outside world gets ever madder and ever more destructive I reaffirm my commitment to giving my attention to all that is good. There is absolutely no point in being worried about outcomes, what matters is our present, what matters is simply to keep trying. And this is the curious paradox, the more rotten things seem, the more likely we are to surrender our expectations and then simple joys just emerge from nowhere.
I tell my children all the time to ‘just be the best version of you that you can be‘ and it’s about time I applied the same logic to myself. It’s so easy as a Mum to focus on what we are doing wrong, I need to focus on what I am doing right. Our daily life is full of simple pleasures, simple beauty. And the hardships are just there to orient ourselves towards what is important.